I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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