True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
