70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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