Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We have so much sex to catch up on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
