The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
