I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Terrible idea I love it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
