I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
