its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
