her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
