did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
