Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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