the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
