How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
