Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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