there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Bring me that man meat
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
