If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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