And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
