how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
