A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize