Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
