It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
