Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
