her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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