thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
