How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My vagina is officially offended.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
