After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I could make wine with my vomit
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i've created a new STD.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
