If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
