i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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