highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”