At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
