Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
