we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
