some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
