Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
