well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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