Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
