There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
