My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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