i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
