whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
