Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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