Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
