If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
