Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
