To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
