I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
