Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
