I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
