Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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