Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mom said you looked used
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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