there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
