Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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