I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize