hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My bed smells like the plague
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
