My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize