Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
