May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
