phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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