bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
