everyone is single if you try hard enough
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize