I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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