You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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