its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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