woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
