"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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