Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
