Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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