about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
