he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize