Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
