but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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