accomplished twins. life is a go
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
