So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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