not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone signed my nipple.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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